A Guide to University: Clubbing

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m not a party party clubbing kind of girl. In fact my perfect night would involve snuggling up with a book or watching a film with copious amounts of chocolate. Unfortunately that isn’t the most sociable and, whilst friends are welcome to join me in a chocolate-induced coma, it seems kids these days prefer clubbing. Jeez, even the word sounds weird – like Fred Flintstone has just turned up to start clubbing you around the head or something.
Image result for fred flintstone club gif
Now don’t get me wrong – socialising is awesome. I could chat for hours on end without a problem, which although might be a problem for some it usually works out ok. In a club, however, talking isn’t really possible due to the noise deemed ‘music’.

Last week I decided to go out with my flat and, all in all, a pretty good night. The noise wasn’t all bad and my ears were only ringing until the following afternoon. However, clubbing is never as splendiferous as some films, books and people make it out to be. It’s basically a gathering of mostly drunk people moving their limbs sporadically with a few jumps here and there to music they won’t remember in the morning.

We made it to the club with no casualties (a success) and seeing as the last time I went clubbing with them we ended the night not clubbing but getting a McDonald’s, going on the bus home and then looking after one of the girls who threw up in a McDonald’s bag on one bus (seriously, those things aren’t even designed to hold grease) and then again on another bus in the mc flurry cup.

We queued for about 20mins before reaching the front of the line, but even that wasn’t without incident. Some bloke was seriously sick in the queue and so had to leave said queue to continue his drunken sickness elsewhere. One of the cheerful employees of the club who seriously must adore his job because how can you not enjoy being tasked with bringing out a bucket of soapy water to wash away the sick? He seemed to do his job with particular malice as he didn’t seem to be concerned with other queue-goers getting splashed.

After ID was checked and our wrists were stamped, we made it into the smoky, noisy room where some people were ordering drinks, some were attempting to dance, some dared to join yet another queue for a cloakroom and others were grinding against each other all over the place. I realised one pretty big mistake of the night which was choosing to wear flat slip on shoes – the floor covered with a sticky substance that I don’t want to think about kept trying to take them off me. This is probably why I spent my time ‘dancing’ in a Chandler-from-friends-like-fashion and not moving my feet.

The night continued on in this vain, but also had the wonderful occurrences of sleazy guys trying to grab at girls of the group – I made it my mission to try and save them all – as well as a man taking pictures of us at awkward angles.

So we danced, some drank, some stumbled about – you get the idea. The rest of the night included queueing once more for the cloakroom, escaping the venue in pretty much one piece and getting a night bus home – on which we sang various Taylor swift songs and took snapchats. It also involved the usual – someone needing to leave the bus to be ill – but we all made it back safe and sound in the end, even if it did seem doubtful at some points.

You might say that this isn’t a ‘guide’ post whatsoever, and more of a not-really-amusing rendition of a typical night out that you’ve spent your precious time reading. I’ll tell you, friends, that this is not necessarily a guide but a warning. A warning that if you are going to university, then never wear slip on shoes to a club and don’t get so hammered that you have to be sick before you even get to the club. Also make sure you have a designated sober-ish friend who will ensure that you’re not carried away by crazies or left on a bus. Other than that, have fun, enjoy the crazy and live the uni life to whatever extent you wish – or wish not.


Standard ‘plug’

Definition of plug (verb, informal): mention (a product, event, or establishment) publicly in order to promote it.

Fortunately I’m not here to tell you to all go out and buy something (though one day – I hope – I can try to convince you to buy a book written by yours truly) but for now I’m going to talk about our favourite thing: social media.

And by ‘talk’, I mean in very few words awkwardly let you know that if you get irritated by my lack of posts/actually are interested in what I get up to, you are welcome to follow me on the ever-so-lovely Twitter for random comments about everyday things or even follow me now on Instagram, which I’ve had for a grand total of three days and still have no idea what I’m doing. As far as I’m aware, everyone pretends that they’re photographers/artists and, unlike snapchat, post pictures of flowers instead of their double chins.

You can find me on Twitter as @ElStammjam

You can find me on Instas (I’m so hip on the lingo) as Stammydodger

So enjoy (or not) my friends. Hope you’re well and keep tuned for an upcoming – aka most likely next week – post on clubbing. It’s a wild one.

Support Group

Hello, and thank you for joining me in today’s support group. I think I’ll kick off discussion and start.
I have an addiction. An obsession. An unhealthy love for something that I can’t stop. I know it’s disrupted my social and work life and, honestly, it’s difficult to really care about those things when I have my obsession with me at all times. I have stashes at home, at uni, in my bag – all over the place. I know I need to slow it down and take a breather, but I just can’t.
Yes. I, Eleanor, am a serial reader.
It didn’t start until I was eight or so, when I discovered the Judy Moody books. The love for books for manageable then. I suppose it started to get worse when I found the Twilight saga at twelve, and then it went even more downhill when I decided to branch out to different books and started to criticise books as if I had superior knowledge. The breaking point was when I got my first kindle. Suddenly I just had all these books one click away for no more than £4 – most of them were 99p. Suddenly I was reading so much I had little time for anything else, and when you’re only spending 99p a time it’s difficult to talk yourself out of buying yet another novel. Some would be romances that I devoured in mere days and others would be action packed adventures that immediately imagine myself to be a part of when reality got to be too much. Just the other day I finished two books IN THE SAME DAY. It was a normal Saturday and I’d finished Adam Bede for uni and Eleanor and Park for fun and I decided to pick up my kindle – only to find two sequels from two authors suddenly being released.
I bought both. I read one between the hours of 10-6 (in which I also went to Hyde Park for a bike ride). I read and finished the other by 11pm.
I’m not proud. Neither of them will benefit me in life. Neither of them were the play I’m supposed to read for uni next week.
But both of them fed the addiction quite nicely.
I guess that’s about it. Thank you for listening and I’ll see you all next time.
27 Incredibly Clever DIYs All True Book Lovers Will Appreciate

Behind the Scenes – Book Review

Now for a different sort of post – a book review for a definite chic-lit audience.

‘Never wear a pair of high heels on a film set no matter how good they may look!

After stumbling upon her favourite actor, Bethan’s life seems to take a turn for the better. All of a sudden, fabulous parties and mingling with celebs are part of her everyday routine. But she soon finds out that life behind the scenes comes with its own complications…. and Bethan is so not prepared for all this!’

I was very kindly sent a review copy of Sophie Childs’ book ‘Behind the Scenes’ and am taking part in the virtual book tour. The novel is the perfect for those lazy Sunday antics where you just want a little bit of escapism after a long week. This book is easy to read with a lighthearted tone and (some) likeable characters. Sophie Childs’ tale of following dreams is more realistic than I first anticipated it to be! You can recognise Bethan’s struggles with her boss from hell (make that two) and although I found the beginning of the book to focus on her complaining, it definitely picks up as you read on. With an almost a Disney-like vibe, Bethan actually has to work for her dream life and Sophie depicts a well-known scenario: when you’re feeling stuck and bored in life, what do you do? (Hello mid life crisis)

And so ensues a tale of Bethan struggling to fit into a new world, but I won’t say much more so I won’t spoil it for anyone who wants to pick up this charming flick. Sophie’s characters are also a lot deeper than I first realised, bringing in to play ideas of trust and relationships that are more than just face value. Immediately I disliked her boyfriend Lee (and not just because he’s in a band called Vampire Squirrels) which of course only made me more inclined to root for Bethan, as I’m sure the author intended. The dynamics between the heroine and the surrounding characters seem almost ever changing, keeping you wondering who is fake and who isn’t in a setting where putting on a false persona is your job.
Overall, this book was ideal for the moments where I wanted to lose myself in a sweet story that was so easy to read and enjoy. I was swept along on this journey and I look forward to seeing what else this author will write.
If you want to keep up with the book tour, then check out these blogs: